Broken Zipper
Twenty gates shot open on a crisp morning.
Dirt slapped at thunderous legs and her mouth foamed.
The roar of lofty hats grew louder.
She was close, wanted to please, but pain followed a snap and her shoulder hit the ground first.
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Everyone else has already said it, but great storytelling. Tragic and suspenseful.
Thank you so much.
Reading metaphorically, but I love how you nailed the scene – I can almost smell it!
I love that you can almost smell it. Perfect. Thank you.
Love the suspense and action in this piece. The title is so intriguing, well done!
Thank you! 🙂
Oh no, she was caught! Loved how you set up the scene and the imagery you used to get us to the painful conclusion.
Thank you!
Clever- writing the POV of a horse race from a horse. I’m not up on my jockey jargon; what does the title mean? Is Zipper another term for horse? Or are the bones in a horses shoulder called zipper bones?
All of my post titles are laundry related which proves challenging sometimes. I used zipper because it brought to mind “zippy” or “quick”…race horse. So no jockey jargon needed. Thank you for reading and your comments.
I would pick out a line that I liked best but then I would just be recopying your entire piece. Great post!
Thank you!
awww poor thing! Wonderful imagery here.. but painful!!
It is pretty cringe worthy. Thank you! 🙂
You really build the tension and her wanting to please before bringing the reader up short with that painful ending. Well done.
Thank you!
How awful. But well done – great point of view and great use of imagery. Love “dirt slapped at thunderous legs” in particular. 🙂
The actual story of Eight Belles is pretty awful and for some reason it came to mind at the prompt. Thank you! 🙂
Such loyalty and unselfish devotion. When I read this, for me, the whole key was “wanted to please”.
Great piece.
There does seem to be such a desperate need to perform and please in race horses. Thank you for reading and your comments.
Great scene-painting. This line is amazing: “The roar of lofty hats.”
I played with that one for a while. I thought I might have to explain a bit more, but I’m glad it worked. Thank you!
Horrid story.
It is pretty awful. For some reason when I thought of the prompt it brought to mind the race horse Eight Belles. She was only three years old and broke both of her front legs at the Kentucky Derby. They had to put her down right on the track. So sad and somehow so senseless. Thank you for reading. 🙂
Oh no!
Hahaha. Thanks for reading and reacting.
Oy!
Hahahaha. Yes, oy.
This is wonderful! It tells such a full story and gives such a perfect picture of the scene in so few words.
Thank you! 🙂
Ouch. Great turn of events in such few words.
Thank you!