I’m so tired of the back window over-share.

This post may offend some people and for that I am maybe a little sorry.  I’m sure it’s not the first time I’ve offended someone and it certainly won’t be the last, but I need to blog this out.

Bumper stickers are a form of expression, I get it.  In the spirit of fairness, I will provide my bumper/back window resume.  I used to have a Dave Matthews dancing fire lady sticker on my car.  I’ve also had a pro-choice sticker and various school stickers throughout the years.

I once had a personalized license plate that read L8 AGN.  Clever, right?  A couple of years ago, I got rid of the personalized plate because…well, I was tired people smiling and telling me my plate was cute.  I didn’t want to be cute anymore.  I wanted to float through the streets of my world incognito.

The pro-choice bumper sticker left many years ago following some complete lunatic approaching me and my young children in a parking lot.  She decided to yell, “How can you look into your babies eyes and support murder?” at me.  Yikes.  The sticker came off that night to keep that bat shit business from ever happening again.

I think those are all my back window confessions.  Nothing too crazy.

I spend a lot of time in the car, staring at the backs of other cars, and I have to say things have gotten out of hand.  It’s to the point now that I try not to look.  I can’t take it.

First we had the little families, annoying yes, but bearable.  Now we have the stickers mocking the little families.  My thoughts are if you don’t like the little families don’t put anything on your car, but that doesn’t seem to be good enough, it’s like a back window battle.  How about the variations on the little families?  Skulls or Star Wars characters.  Is that meant to say that you are a little family, but you’re cooler than say regular little families?  I don’t know and I don’t care.  I’m just tired of seeing it.  I can’t help looking up, counting the kids, the dogs, the…birds.  I saw one the other day with 15 dogs.

That is a lot of stickers.

Marathon runners, half marathon runners, extreme marathon runners, one hundred marathon runners and then…the people with 0.0 on their back window.  Again, this is some sort of sticker war.  People that don’t run marathons are clearly upset about the 26.2 and the 13.1 they see on back windows, so instead of ignoring they have devised their own statement.  To both groups I say, “Stop it!”  If you have run a marathon or 50 or 100 that is incredible, way beyond putting a sticker on your car.  Go be your cool badass self and maybe keep it to yourself.  Those with the 0.0, you guys look like the pissed off kids chosen last in Phys Ed.  You’re better than that.

Church stickers, Not of This World, I Love My Wife.  Why are these stickers on your car?  What are you trying to tell me?  If you’re advertising for your church, it’s not working because I have no idea what the sticker means.  Maybe a website, or address would be more effective if the goal is to increase the flock.  If you are letting me know you are a particular religion, or that you’re chosen or God likes you best, I’m not an expert on the Bible, but I’ll bet there’s something in there about humility.  The I Love My Wife people…sigh, that’s just a super awkward, screams “We’ve been to counseling!” trying too hard, mess.

I realize we live in a nothing left unrevealed society.  I know sending pictures of private parts and tweeting about brushing your teeth or buying a Starbucks is in, but there’s really something to be said for a little mystery.  It’s fun to be cleaver, but it seems out of hand to me these days.  Bumper stickers used to be fun, or funny, now every time I stop at a light I feel like I’m trapped in some stifling PTA meeting where we are all talking about where we summered, which third world country we are helping now, and who’s kid just got into the accelerated program.

Oh, the “my child’s an honor student”…I’ll stop now.

My thoughts from the laundry room.  Back to Sleep.

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