Hormones, we need to talk.

I understand that I needed you growing up.  I appreciate that you helped create the stew that made my children.  I’m glad you’ve kept things female and working all of these years, but lately you’ve changed.

You’re unstable, I can’t rely on you and you make me cry.  I’m done now.

This is no longer a mutually beneficial relationship, as a matter of fact, it’s downright spastic.  One minute things are great, we’re humming along like other people and then . . . Bam!

You either check out for a few days, or smother me. I’m not sure why and quite frankly, I don’t care.  I’m not interested in reading books about you or figuring out why you do what you do.  I’ve tried and I can never get those precious hours back.  I will never understand the intricate workings of you, don’t want to.

Here’s what I need.  If you’re going to stay, great.  We’ve done well all of these years, and I’m happy to have you, so long as you keep your shit together.  If you’re going to leave, then go already.  Get out.  Sure, things will be a little dryer, saggier or wrinklier without you.  So.  I’ll adjust, but this back and forth, push and pull.

One minute we are dancing around to Maroon 5 and the next I’m left in the car crying like an idiot.  What am I crying about?  What’s wrong, you ask?  I have absolutely no idea.  See what you do to me?

Hormones you need to make up your mind.

Stay or leave, your choice, but if this keeps up, I’m changing the locks.

Do you hear me?

My thoughts from the laundry room.  Fan On, Please.

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