I am not an authentic person.

After reading the 40 Habits of Highly Authentic People, it appears I don’t know any authentic people either. Things are crazy unauthentic in my world.

Let me first say that I am a sucker for Top Ten or Five Keys to anything. I like stuff in bite size or with pretty pictures. Much to the rolling eyes of the people in my life, I like to work on myself. That often involves motivational quotes or blasting Fall Out Boy while I walk up my street, believing fully that I’ll be Jillian Michaels by the time I make it to the stop sign.

I have a pretty extensive inventory of mental and physical “to do”, so I’m drawn to these articles like . . . like flies on shit or like a moth to a flame if the shit analogy upsets your sensibilities.

While Michael thinks guides and insights are silly and “for followers or to make money,” I often entertain being guided to a better me.

But this thing, this article made me want to crack open a bottle of something long before it was five o’clock anywhere. I went back to the beginning and re-read the short paragraph to make sure I wasn’t reading a list for How to Become a Saint. I waived bye-bye to saint a long time ago, so I didn’t want to waste my time. But the list is in fact things that Highly Authentic People do.

First, what’s with the “highly”? Isn’t a person either authentic or not? I wasn’t aware there were degrees of authentic. The title should have stopped me, but it didn’t.

According to the list, the Highlies are “always respectful” and “don’t take no for an answer.” They “ignore instructions,” but “pay attention to the fine print.” They know perfection doesn’t exist, all the while being kind to animals, participating in humanitarian causes, never sweating the small stuff and knowing their limits.

Holy Hell!  I was dizzy by the time I made it to 40.

I thought for sure I was at least a tiny bit authentic. I . . . hardly ever wear make-up and I clean my toilets with a sponge. Hand in the bowl. Where are those on the list?

According to these habits, I am nowhere near the real deal. This was almost as bad as the time I read an article outlining five simple exercises I could do in twenty minutes to become “swimsuit ready”. That little doozy failed to mention that you needed to be living in the world of The Matrix to get past exercise number one.

But this, this was the worst. This was the most ridiculous list of “give me a break” I have ever read. No one is all of these things. No one is half of these things.

I get that it’s simply a list of habits, suggestions, but it seems like reckless . . . guiding. If that’s not a thing, it should be. People can’t throw this stuff out there willy-nilly, some of us are very susceptible.

Whoever wrote this needs “to be slapped,” as my grandmother would say. How’s that for authentic?

My thoughts from the laundry room. Rapid Eye Movement.

 

acceptance crazy life fun good choices humor learning opinion thoughts authentic people humor life self improvement thoughts whatever