Given my recent track record, this will be the last post of the year. The final wrap-up and farewell to two-thousand-and-eighteen.
What to say? What to say?
My first thought. Whatever happened to the Nutter Butter Wafers? Not the cookies shaped like a peanut shell, the square ones with the yummy whipped peanut butter filling.
For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, trust me you missed out on possibly the best cookie ever. After a quick Google search and a trip down the cookie aisle, it appears the peanut butter goodness that got me through college finals and all pregnancies has gone the way of Furbies.
This year will never come again. When that ball drops, and we pour another glass instead of remembering a champagne hangover is the worst, the year two-thousand-and-eighteen will fade away.
Nutter Butter Wafers could make a comeback, vis-à-vis bellbottoms and overalls. But the end of a year is the end.
If it were possible to pull A Christmas Carol on 2018, here are a few things I would whisper in my ear.
It is not a good idea to rent your house. It sounds great, and you think you will go on more vacations and make money, but you won’t. Instead of raking in the cash while you’re sipping wine at a cafe in Paris, you’ll be cleaning toilets and ironing pillowcases. It will totally ruin the day after Thanksgiving. Oh, and someone will piss in your second bedroom trashcan even though there is a toilet ten feet away.
When health gurus say you should keep healthy snacks at your desk, they are not referring to Tootsie Pops. You can not have just one. You will eat them all and feel like a dehydrated loser.
When Jack barks his something-is-wrong bark, and you go outside, don’t panic. There is a rattlesnake to your left. Be calm instead of screaming your head off, or Jack will panic too, and the snake will bite his precious face.
This will not be a great writing year for you, but know that it’s only a year. You are still fantastic. You are always enough.
Quit buying so many stickers. You’re out of control, and there IS such a thing as too many stickers.
Now that I have had time to reflect it is clear the Nutter Butter Wafers are to blame for many of my desired 2018 do-overs.
Except for the colossal fail of putting my beautiful home on VRBO. I’ll own that one.
But, if I’d had the Wafers, I would have never even bothered with Tootsie Pops.
If I’d had a constant stream of peanut butter yum, Jack would have stayed by my side and avoided that nasty snake.
Eating cookies often inspires brilliant writing, said no one ever, but it’s my blog and if I want to blame my lack of creative gusto on cookies I can. I will.
And… if all my money had gone to keeping the Nutter Butter Wafers stocked and relevant, I wouldn’t have had the coin to purchase more stickers than I will ever use in one lifetime.
Thanks a lot, Nabisco. I’ll be sending you Jack’s vet bill. You might want to think about bringing back Nutter Butter Wafers because I’m looking forward to an awesome 2019 and I’d appreciate your support.
That’s all from the laundry room. Midnight snack.