Bowling Shirt

I was at Whole Foods a few months ago and this woman was checking out the Chicken Teriyaki Bowls.  As I walked by she opened one and ate a piece of the chicken.  She put it in her mouth, looked up sort of savoring it and then shook her head, put the lid back on and put it back.

I could not look away, I was standing by the bread staring at her.  She then proceeded to shake some of the other ones and I think she was counting the pieces of chicken in another.  She finally took one, not the one she sampled (yes, I was watching that closely) and continued on with her shopping.  I’m sure my jaw was open and I didn’t even try to look inconspicuous.  I snapped out of it when she left, grabbed my bread and wanted to yell…

You can’t do that!  You can’t just open something and take a piece, it’s not a sample.  Now someone is going to come along and buy your nasty picked over mess without even knowing it.  They are sealed Teriyaki Bowls, the covers are clear, you can look in and check it out, but you can’t eat some of it.

What the hell?  I’m not sure why I got so worked up over this, or more importantly why I’m blogging about it at least three months later.

All I can say is I will be married twenty years tomorrow.  I sat down to write something about my anniversary and I thought of the Teriyaki lady.  The mysteries of my mind truly astound.  Hold on because here comes the tie in…

After twenty years it appears tonight that this is all I have in the way of enlightened wisdom – Marriage is like the Teriyaki Chicken Bowl.

You need to commit to it, buy it whole and whatever is in that box when you get it home and open it up, is yours.

Sure, you can take it back if it’s rancid or you realize some nasty lady in a bad shirt picked over your bowl before you bought it, but aside from these exceptions that bowl is yours.

Dating is looking through the clear lid, living together is picking it up shaking it and maybe counting the pieces, but you can’t really taste it until you commit to buy.

Marriage is taking that bowl to the cashier and trusting that what’s inside is what you want.  Some people may decide on the drive home that they made a mistake and they were just hungry (never shop when you’re hungry) and never really wanted Teriyaki chicken after all. Maybe they rushed into it, should have looked around more.

Others may be lured in by the yummy looking sauce, but when they open it up at home they realize the chicken is dry.  Still others may get it home and discover it’s the best meal they’ve ever had.  Who knew Whole Foods had such amazing Chicken Teriyaki?

Marriage is what you do with what’s in the bowl because unless you’re the odd lady in Whole Foods who cheated and tasted, you never really know what you’re getting until you commit to the purchase.

Wow, this is will be up there on the Oddest Posts board.  Let’s finish strong!

Michael, when we got married there wasn’t even a clear lid on you, but you’ve always smelled wonderful.  I committed and took you home and the sauce is rich and wonderful.  The rice is sometimes a little sticky, but if I use chopsticks that can be a good thing.  There have been some dry pieces of chicken, really just on the ends, but it turns out there’s extra chicken under the rice.  The whole thing warms me and the spices are intriguing.  It’s the most wonderful Teriyaki Chicken Bowl.

I’m glad I picked you, although now that I think about it I sort of did sample you, but that will mess up the whole post so forget I said that.

This is silly but I’m posting it mainly because we will laugh our asses off reading it twenty more years from tomorrow.  I love you.  Happy Anniversary.

My thoughts form the laundry room.  No peeking.

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