Pashmina

There should be a cap, or a release valve on feelings.  Anger, happiness, angst, sadness, I want to experience them, I don’t want to be numb, but I think sometimes my feelings are on steroids.

I’m going through some variation of the same things other people are going through, but it’s as if I’m experiencing them naked on a cold day without a jacket while others seem to be mature adults in a warm luxury car.  I could pass this off as my youthful exuberance or say that I’m more “in touch” with my emotions or feelings, but quite frankly, I’m sick of them.

I want a coat, a big one.

I know that I can’t change who I am, but I’m tired.  Hence, the need for the valve.  It would be wonderful if, let’s say I’m thinking about something and it makes me cry for no logical reason.  I could cry for a little while, still allow the emotion in, but when it gets too painful or too real, I could say…pull my earlobe and let the excess out.

Many people use yoga or meditation as their leveler and I think that works.  Drinking seems to be a great tool and so is breathing, but I need a button.  Sometimes things wash over me and even with wine or green tea in hand, I get everything full force.  I could be wrong, but I don’t think downward dog is going to fix me. (Perhaps a less visual yoga position would have been better…eh, moving on.)

I can watch a movie or see a play and if there is something that hits home with me, and there usually is, I have been known to continue crying in the bathroom.  No one else is in the bathroom crying.  See what I’m saying?  We all experienced the same thing, but somehow everyone else is mulling about discussing or moving on to their next activity and I’m naked.

Songs…my God, there are songs I can’t even listen to unless I’m looking to let it all out and take a nap.  It’s not normal. Maybe people are crying on the inside and I’m a freak with no ability to control myself?

It’s not just crying.  There are times I am so happy or excited, I can actually feel myself vibrate.  I’ve been know to laugh long after those around me have stopped.  We are talking tears and side aches.  It’s a silly, mess.

There’s a disease where people can’t feel physical pain.  It’s dangerous because they can be hurting themselves and not even know it.  I should Google and see if there’s an opposite affliction where the person is a crazy, emotional, over feeling nut.

Whatever the explanation, I need a valve or even just a filter because one little person shouldn’t feel this much.

My thoughts from the laundry room.  Exhausted.

5 thoughts on “Pashmina

  1. I often feel the same way, I’ve always been more emotional than the people around me. Writing has been my biggest escape, because it’s your time to vent and express yourself. There’s no judgment, no advice – it’s just you and your many emotions.

    I’ve actually taken up yoga for similar reasons. At first I had the same thoughts, but now a year later of off-and-on practice I have found that it simply makes me feel better. No it’s not for every situation, but it has truly gained a spot in my life.

    Our emotions are beautiful, no matter how many of them there are. (:

    1. Now that’s an interesting thought. What if I couldn’t write without my kooky emotions? I would miss it and then knowing me I would blog about how I just can’t get excited about anything. Hahahaha. Yoga is calling me. I know there’s value there, I just need to commit to practice. It’s on the list. Thank you for reading and your thoughts.

  2. I really enjoy the way you write. You just described my life that I have been fighting against for far too long. I would like to have the ability to become invisible. 🙂

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