Are you getting excited for the holidays?
I cringe at this question because it’s asked earlier and earlier ever year. I’m usually not ready, not even in the ballpark of a holiday mood. That cringe starts a wave of self reflection…
Why aren’t I excited? What’s wrong with me? Maybe I’m not really happy, maybe I have deep seated issues? Everyone loves the holidays, except those super depressed people and I’m not…wait, am I depressed? Why can’t I just appreciate the simple things in life and get into the holiday season? This has been a pretty good year, I have a lot to be thankful for and I’m grateful, aren’t I? I have family and children, children love the holidays. I should be excited.
And there it is, the magic word…should. “Should” always gets me into trouble and gives me angst. I have never had a moment with “should” that didn’t end in guilt, mixed with a dash of martyrdom and followed closely by a bad mood. “Should” is phony and layered in the garbage we tell ourselves based on the feelings of others, holiday music played too early, movies and advertising.
It’s Monday, ten days before Thanksgiving and no, I’m not excited for the holidays. That felt so good to type. I said it and I’m still a happy person, I’m not a grinch, I’m not depressed, I’m just not ready.
I’ll get there, I always do. Some years I’m in the mood by now, and others it doesn’t hit me until the day of Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve.
I do know one thing for certain this season. I’m going with my own flow. I’m giving up “should” this year, it ruins everything.
My thoughts from the laundry room. Shouldn’t Have Stayed Up So Late.