I’m in a riptide.
It’s not my first one, but I never get used to them. I flail and fight and reach for land or a rock. I don’t like being carried in a direction I don’t want to go. It’s scary and I like control, I often convince myself I need control.
The riptides seem to get worse, appear more frequently, the more people I let into my life. I’m growing three people right out of the gate, so with Michael that’s four humans in my direct circle. No way there will ever be calm waters. They have their lives and they want to move in their own directions, make their own decisions. So annoying. Then there’s the general flow of life events, extended family, friends, strangers, so many ripples.
It is becoming clear that I need to “go with the flow” because there’s no way I’m making it to shore.
Jinger, my spin master/pastor/friend, says that you should never fight a riptide. I’m pretty sure she’s talking about a literal riptide and using it as a metaphor for life. She’s super groovy that way.
“When in a riptide, don’t fight it, move sideways.”
Um…yeah, I have no idea how to do that. I’m guessing I need to look at things differently, change my approach, let go? Damn it! I hate this stuff, but I’m tired of fighting. Tired of trying to move the tide the way I want it to go. It’s exhausting and I always, always lose. The water invariably pulls me under, beats me about, and forces me to move, change.
So, today I have made a cup of tea and I am going to attempt to move sideways through my latest riptide. I don’t know what that will look like, or if I’m even capable, but my hands are up, I’m not swimming. I will let the riptide take me for a little bit and when I’m ready I will make my move and try sideways.
It has to be better than this saltwater up the nose, gasping for air business I’m doing now.
My thoughts from the laundry room. Turn the Fan On.