Sometimes I’m just not sure there’s room for vanilla anymore.

I understand the need for everyone to be represented, but I can’t even relate to most of the movies that are currently out. I’m either inundated with sappy stupid, or I find myself wondering when everything, everyone, became so cool and hip.

I think it’s great if there are movies for everyone.  If I’m gay, transgender or bisexual, there are now movies for me.  If I’m struggling or drug addicted or miserable, there are movies for me.  If I’m deviant, risky, or I want to be risky, there are movies for me.  I’m all for pushing boundaries and exploring within a creative outlet.  But with all of this expansion, it seems there is no longer room for me.

I know, people are going to stand up and get crazy because for years homosexuals, bisexuals, transgender, and whatever other version of the human experience is out there, have been closeted and made to feel wrong.  I’m aware, for some, this blog post is going to seem like that white guy who says he’s feeling reverse discrimination.

Not my intention.

I’ve been heterosexual my whole life.  I met and married a man.  We don’t tie each other up, we don’t “swing” with other couples in our neighborhood and, at least to my knowledge, neither of us were in relationships with the same sex because “sexuality is free floating and shouldn’t be defined” or “life is all about experimenting.”

At the same time, we are not missionary position, boring, uptight Bible beating crazies.  I have a potty mouth, but I don’t stick beads up my ass for fun.  I’m somewhere in the middle and when I look at movies these days, I don’t see the middle.

I wear jeans and black. I have a cute short haircut, and I like sushi, but I guess I’m not hip enough.

I watched a trailer for Manhattan Romance today.  From what I gather, this movie is about a guy that is writing a story about relationships and having troubles with his own.  So far, so good.  I might see this.

He’s dating a blonde woman that isn’t sure she wants to be “defined” by a relationship.  In the trailer she hops to another table during their date because some other guy seems more appealing.  Eh . . . oh, please don’t let this be weird, I start to think.

The main guy also has a friend that he appears to be falling in love with.  She’s cute and they seem fun together.  Yay!  I’m on board.  But, the thing is she’s currently in a relationship with a woman. That’s not working out, so she might want to be with the main guy now too.

What?  Why does she have to be in a relationship with a woman?  I’m left wondering is she gay or maybe she’s bisexual?  Sigh . . .  of course she is.  The synopsis says it’s a “modern romance.”  I’m telling you, some version of this happens with every damn movie trailer I watch these days.

Vanilla is officially uncool.  It’s been relegated to poorly acted Nicholas Sparks stories. Movies are now all about nuts and caramel and cookies.

“Cinema represents everyone now because for the longest time these populations were underrepresented, or not represented at all, this is progress and you’re just a stupid mid-aged privileged heterosexual that has no concept of what it means to be discriminated against or in the minority,” I can hear advocates chanting.

That may be, I may be all of those things, but I’m here too.

I still like movies and I would like to watch a current one about plain old boring people like me.  They can be whatever creation some writer or director wants them to be, but could they please fall in love in a way that I can relate to? I don’t want hip, cool, or all encompassing.  I watch enough of those movies, I get it.

I want a romance, I’ll settle for one every quarter, that’s not sappy or insulting, something that recognizes not all white mid-aged people are conservative bigots or plastic people looking for a picket fence, a yarn store, or a small town diner.  A romance where no one is trying to ‘figure out their sexuality’ or experimenting with anything.  They’re not cheating, snorting coke off a hooker, or screwing their babysitter.

I want vanilla.

Sure, it’s fantastic that all of the flavors have shown up, the more the merrier, I say, but don’t get rid of vanilla.

I can’t change who I am either and I’d like to have some sigh worthy moments in a dark movie theater with my popcorn and Milk Duds too.

My thoughts from the laundry room. I’m tired.

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