I stopped to get gas last week and unbeknownst be me, my life was about to be enhanced.
“You are now watching Gas Station TV,” the gas pump said as a small TV came to life. Let me repeat. I was pumping gas, and there was a TV on the gas pump. Lest I have a few moments with my own thoughts.
“Connect with us on Facebook and Twitter. Gas Station TV, enhancing your life,” the pump continued.
So many questions, but here are the first few that pop to my mind.
Who the hell follows their gas station or Gas Station TV on social media? Maybe someone reading this post does and if I have offended you. Good. Change often comes out of taking offense. I beg you to reevaluate things.
Next, what yahoo came up with Gas Station TV? What did that pitch look like?
So the average person stands at the pump for one to two minutes. Even though we inundate the population twenty-four hours a day with a crap salad barely sprinkled with value, let’s seize gas pump time too. What group of vermin clapped and agreed that this was a fantastic idea?
Vermin might be harsh. Let’s look it up.
Third definition down—People perceived as despicable and as causing problems for the rest of society.
Nope. Not harsh at all. Spot on.
The second the gas pump started spewing sports scores and advertisements, I looked for a mute button. Surely there would be a way for me to choose, right? This is America after all.
Wrong. I was trapped at the gas pump while an announcer fashioned to be “just like one of us” informed me that I “hadn’t lived” until I’d tried the “jalapeno poppers available right inside the store.”
Come on, does this work?
Instead of buying the poppers or beating the gas pump, I did some research. Gas Station TV has 1,837 Twitter followers and 3,020 Facebookers. Apparently not a huge market share. I was happy to discover their followers are the fringe.
Gas Station TV’s website states that they are “the largest and most sophisticated national video network reaching active consumers.” What the hell does that even mean?
They went on to explain that “active consumers” are “young, affluent and actively spending 32% more on days they buy gas.”
Huh. Here I thought all car drivers bought gas, not just the young, affluent junk food eaters. I stand corrected.
Thank you, Gas Station TV.
I know in the grand scheme of things talking gas pumps don’t register high on most peoples’ outraged list, but they should.
We are a country of noise. Everything shouts at us to fear, medicate, spend and divide. I make an effort to turn it off or at least lower the volume. All this noise, gas pump or otherwise, doesn’t serve anyone.
It doesn’t enhance lives or make anything great again. It distracts from the job at hand, feeds us garbage and makes rich people richer.
The only way to win is to shut it off until it lacks an audience and goes the way of every other stupid idea defeated by the majority of sane peace-seeking citizens.
I know this, so to be thwarted by a gas pump without a mute button really pisses me off.
My thoughts from the laundry room.