Cardigan

I’ve become a creature of habit.
I fought it tooth and nail, but at a very young 38 years old I like a schedule and I’m out of sorts without one.

I’ve never really been a “go with the flow” kind of girl, but when I was younger I took pride in never doing things the same way, at the same time. Ever. That was too much like my mother. I would brush my teeth at different times, put my moisturizer on and then brush my hair. I know I sound crazy, but doing the same thing, the same way every time meant “old” or “set in your ways.” I never wanted to have a “morning ritual” or a “bedtime routine.”

But despite my best efforts I now can say that I have breakfast pretty much every morning and I have the same thing, with slight variation, but not much. It’s to the point that if my children see only one banana in the fruit bowl they know to leave it alone upon fear of “the rant.” I put a banana on my Grapenuts every morning.
I can’t believe I’m actually admitting this.

When I was a young adult I remember going to my mother’s house and she would have her breakfast and her cup of tea every morning, after which she would stand and say, “Like clockwork!” and head off to the bathroom. I vividly remember thinking Good Lord, I will never…

I can’t say that all of my bodily functions have a routine, my mother is the master of routine, but I will say that I’m growing fonder of routine and schedule. I am choosing to believe it has nothing to do with my age. 40 is rapidly approaching and I’m a bit sensitive.

Instead I think it may be that so much of my world, everyone’s for that matter, is out of our control. Things have gotten a little more complicated since I’ve ventured out into the world. We can’t control what happens in our government (if you think you still can…oh, aren’t you cute:)), on our freeways, the weather…you name it. So much of it is just timing, luck, or…who knows. Why do people that run marathons and have taken care of themselves their entire lives get cancer? Why did George Burns smoke like a chimney and live forever? Out of our control.

So maybe ritual or routine is a way of controlling little pieces of my life to bring comfort and peace to the rest of the crazy out of control mess.

No matter what happens tomorrow I know there will be a banana in the fruit bowl and that makes me smile. Maybe my mother has had it right all these years (Shhh! Don’t tell her I said so.)

My thoughts from the laundry room tonight. I sleep on the right!

2 thoughts on “Cardigan

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