While I tend to be a little more Sally than Harry, I thought about death today.
I was driving home, the sun was rising…oooh, that sounds like a good movie scene. Anyway, I was driving and there was a great song on my iPod.
The sunrise was beautiful and I had one of those moments where I was breathing normal and everything seemed right with the world. Those moments are few and fleeting for me (maybe I am more like Harry). The sunroof was open, the windows were down and…
What if my car were to fly off the road right now and crash? Would Dave Matthews still be playing through my speakers? What would it feel like to be in that kind of pain, or would I die instantly?
I’m not kidding, in the middle of my beautiful moment that’s what I thought. I’ve pondered death before, but it’s never snuck up on me quite like that.
I spent the rest of the drive home obsessing about why I would have such a thought. Am I incapable of just allowing myself to be happy? Why would someone experiencing a pleasant moment think about something so awful?
I’ve never been one to wonder too much about what happens when I die. I believe we all find out soon enough and I really don’t want to waste my life trying to answer a question none of us will ever know.
I still feel that way, but maybe now that I’m older I’m thinking about how I will leave, or what will be left behind when I’m gone.
After a cup of tea, I decided to let it go. It was just a thought that floated in and out.
Good God, if I entertained all of those thoughts I’d be in a bouncy room.
Maybe my window down, sunrise morning was a moment I didn’t want to end and that’s probably a good thing.
I will say this. When I do take leave of this earth, I really hope Dave is still playing on someone’s iPod and the sunrise is still stunning.
My thoughts from the laundry room. Good Morning.