Faux Turtleneck

I am possibly the most non-photogenic person on the planet.

I’m the one that jacks up the group picture by closing my eyes or flashing the psycho smile.

When we review photographs from vacations or the dreaded Christmas picture, it’s not uncommon to hear laughs and a few “Oooh, what happened there?” or “Mom, that one was perfect, except you closed your eyes?”

There  are some people that have a picture pose or a smile that just works for them every time.  I’m not sure if they were pulled aside and I just missed that day, but I’m all over the place.

I’ve often said, “If I look like this in real life, why hasn’t anyone told me?”

I’m a reasonably attractive person when I look in the mirror.  I don’t think the Ford Modeling Agency is coming after me, but I’ve got a little something going on.

Point a camera at me and all bets are off.

It’s weird because I can really work the other end of a Canon.  Some of the best shots of our family or vacations are mine, so what is my problem?

Maggie blurted out her theory in frustration last year during the 5th attempt at the Christmas picture review, “Mom, quit trying so hard!  Just be yourself.”

She can be such a little snit sometimes.

I AM being myself and what do you mean quit trying so hard?  A damn camera is pointed at my face.

Kids take fantastic pictures 9 times out of 10.  Great smiles, self pride even with braces or missing teeth or really bad hair.  They achieve this because they don’t know how to be anything other than themselves, they haven’t learned yet.

They’re not smiling at the camera wondering if their hair looks flat, or if their ass looks big from this angle.

They don’t care.  It’s picture time and they smile.

Lately I’ve been working on trying to relax in front of the camera.  I take deep breaths and I try, I mean I try not to try.

I am sorry to say that it’s not working.

I think I’m myself, if I’m not, I have no idea who I am, but she’s a scrunchy face, eye closing, crazy smile, odd head angle, wild eyed beast on film.

I have to get my picture professionally done in the next couple of months.

Professionally…that scares me.  If I can’t even do the amateur stuff, how am I going to work with a professional?  Hopefully she has more patience than Maggie.

My thoughts from the laundry room.  Picture Happy Thoughts.

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