Someday I will be dead.
I know it’s an obvious statement for a lot of people, but I’ve only recently thought about it. I don’t normally feel mortal. I mean I get that I won’t live forever, but I’m not exactly in touch with the death thing. I don’t do any death defying work or hobbies and I’ve never almost died, so maybe death hasn’t occupied the forefront of my mind, but now I have this dream.
I’m pretty sure it’s my first reoccurring dream. Oh no, wait there was the one about the bumblebee when I was little, but let’s call this my first adult reoccurring dream.
In the dream I’m doing something in a field of grass. I’m not sure what it is, and it’s not important. I’m happy and the dream seems peaceful. I lay down and fall asleep. Each time, I can feel warmth on my face and I smell flowers.
This sensation goes on for a while in my dream world and I can hear people talking or playing and then all of a sudden it’s like a wave. I become uneasy, start moving around on the grass and then I am filled with panic followed by fear. It is sort of like a “hold on because you’re going to fall” fear. My mind, in the dream, says to me, “Someday you will die.”
That’s all, but in the dream it’s as if I have received a piece of information I never knew before. I wake up immediately in both the dream world and my real world. I don’t start to cry in either world and once I wake up I’m fine. I’m still alive, so that’s good.
I don’t know what the dream means and I refuse to think it has something do to with getting older. I’m so damn tired of talking about or thinking about getting older. Maybe it means I’m more aware. Maybe I’m becoming more present in my life. Maybe the “dying” dream is just an adult manifestation of the “bumblebee” dream. Maybe I’m full of crap and I need to stop going to yoga before everything turns into a manifestation. Not sure.
I’ve had the dream about five or six times. I can’t say it’s a bad dream. It’s…different and sort of like the drop of a roller coaster or a really good part of a Borne movie. I suppose it is sort of cool that I now have my very own adult reoccurring dream.
No more bumblebees for me, I must be a growing up.
My thoughts from the laundry room. Dead Asleep.