I used to play hopscotch and now I don’t even remember the rules.
How do you win again? Winning is of course the goal, right? How could I have forgotten the how, damn it?
I’ve been told I’m too hard on myself. I’ve also been told I have ridiculous expectations, I paralyze myself, and that is why I never get anything done. Wow, that’s a different post, maybe that’s a whole book. Like a self help book or a cautionary tale about a loony woman that can’t stop humming the theme song to Sanford and Son.
Let’s take the “hard on myself” bit because it’s easy. If I am, in fact, tough on myself, it is because I have inside information. I know me and I just know I can do better. The problem is I’m not always sure how.
That’s the tricky part, the how.
I suppose I could apply the same principles I use with my children, but they’re different. They need to be nurtured and understood, they need love. Their small accomplishments need to be celebrated so they feel good about themselves and confident enough to move on to new and bigger possibilities. Children need to be told they are incredible and unique. That their own strengths and abilities take time to cultivate. It’s not a race. They need to know they can enjoy life, play the game. It’s not about winning. Life’s a journey and all that stuff.
That’s too wishy washy for me, I’m an adult. I’m stronger than that. I need a good smack upside my head. I need to do better, faster, smarter…now. I need to get it all done today, before it’s too late. Even though time is running out, I must also spend time thinking about my failures, dissecting them. Then for my grand finale, I need to think about everything at once, tell myself I’ll never get there, it’s all too big and too bad of a world.
Wait, wasn’t there a rock in hopscotch? Maybe I threw the rock and it landed on one of those numbers…shoot, I need to Google this. How could I have forgotten something so simple?
Sigh…thank God, I didn’t raise my children the way I’m raising my adult self. What a mess that would be!
My thoughts from the laundry room. You Should Not Be Sleeping In.