Black Dress


I have always wanted to play an instrument.

Well, let me say that when I go to the symphony, or I see people playing instruments with ease and proficiency, I feel…I feel like I want that in my life.  I want to play the cello, I want to be on stage when the lights dim, I want to carry a case around, I want…

In all my wanting, in all my envy, I never say that I love the feel of a cello or the vibration of the bow.  I never close my eyes in the audience and dream of practicing until my hands hurt, or my back aches.  I love to listen to music, I wonder what it must be like to create such brilliance, but I don’t really want to play an instrument.

It’s not a passion, it doesn’t call to me, because it if did, I would be playing in an orchestra or a subway.  If I wanted to play, needed to play, I would not rest until that need was fulfilled.

I’m in love with the idea of playing an instrument.  The idea of things is usually what appeals to people and yet the reality is something quite different.  The reality, the late nights, the struggle, the inch by inch achievements are born of passion, not want.

Yesterday a woman told me she thought it was so wonderful that I was a writer.  She asked the usual questions with awe and sparkle and then said, “I’ve always wanted to be a writer.  It must be so exciting.”  I smiled and then in the next breath she talked about how she’s played the cello since she was in high school.

Passion always wins.

My thoughts from the laundry room.  Click Off the Light.

 


 

14 thoughts on “Black Dress

  1. If I had even a speck of musical talent, the cello is the instrument I would choose. In the end, I guess we all create our own music – whether it’s with an instrument, words or even a lovingly prepared meal.

  2. Seriously, pick up an instrument. The sooner the better. You paint it to be of not utmost importance to you, but you deserve to feel that joy of accomplishment, and since there is no stress attached to it, it will be an awesome exploratory experience for you. I know that’s not what the heart of this post is about, but I strongly urge you to. Tapping into these internal whims is one of the great things about growing up, especially when you have the means to. Nicely written as always, now go get your cello on!

    1. Really?! Are you sure? Sigh…exploratory experience. Well, I suppose if you put it that way. Maybe I’ll rent one and give it a try. I do love the cello. Thanks for reading and giving me a little push, Martha 🙂

  3. Whoa, this is beautiful – and so relatable. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of something, but when you’re really passionate, you take the crap along with the good stuff. I’m glad you’ve found writing to be such a passion!

  4. I get it. I get swept away also–but usually, it’s by singers in a band. I always say I’d make a great singer–if only I could sing well:).

  5. I relate to this so much. I want to learn how to draw but writing is my passion. I just want to be good at drawing without all the hard work behind it. Thank you for helping me put this though into words

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