Tag: humor

Cycle

Michael and I went for breakfast super early yesterday because we dropped our son off at the airport. We were sitting outside with the birds when he said, “Closest descendant of the dinosaur.” “Excuse me?” “Birds, they’re the closest animals to the dinosaurs.” I sipped my tea, thought about that for a minute, listen to the…

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Clothes Pins

Being a mother is difficult work. Not in the sense that running a marathon or skiing a black diamond is difficult and not in the sense that finishing a project or painting window trim is work. Motherhood, the act of “moming,” is difficult work because if you are anything like me it is predominantly blind…

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Underwear

Is it wrong to punch a sick man in the face? My whole body hurts and when I think about his wrinkled shirt and incessant coughing, I want to punch him right in his runny red nose. Mr. You-Look-Like-Shit, why did you have to get on my plane? Why couldn’t you have slept through your alarm…

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Scrub

I am not an authentic person. After reading the 40 Habits of Highly Authentic People, it appears I don’t know any authentic people either. Things are crazy unauthentic in my world. Let me first say that I am a sucker for Top Ten or Five Keys to anything. I like stuff in bite size or with pretty…

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Mittens

  I might be addicted to Wintergreen Life Savers. I wasn’t aware a person could become addicted to Life Savers, save the rainbow candy ones. I thought wintergreen was safe, but I now have mint burn on my tongue because I’ve been eating handfuls of these suckers every day. I’m trying to escape the “just one more”…

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Pinstripes

My manuscript is officially late. I had to send a sad little pleading email to my editor who is far too nice to me.  She graciously gave me until Monday to finish.  As of this morning, that was three extra days.  Three full 24-hour cycles. So, naturally given this extra time I got right to work.…

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Painted On Jeans

We are painting our house. Well, we aren’t painting it exactly. This really nice guy that bears an uncanny resemblance to the actor that played Shaggy in the Scooby Doo movies is painting our house. This little project is happening in three phases.  Back of the house first, middle and front.  It should be about a week…

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Revealing Dress

I am so awkward. Honestly, sometimes things seem perfectly normal at the time and then I just don’t know what I was thinking.  This post is cringeworthy, so be forewarned.  If you are uncomfortable with boobs, stop right now and go enjoy your weekend. I have an author page on Facebook.  I hate Facebook, but it’s…

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Food Stains

I like food. I’ve tried a lot of it.  I’m really good at eating and I rarely discriminate. Sushi, falafel, matzo ball soup, chicken and waffles, just waffles.  There’s nothing better than a great calzone, or a slice of good pizza, the kind you can fold up and eat properly.  Eggplant parmesan…”Yes, can I get…

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