Stain

There is a crack in my windshield.

A rock hit the upper corner on the passenger’s side.  It was one of those pops where I wasn’t sure if it hit the frame or the actual glass.  It was loud and sort of shocking.  I leaned over and saw the pronged star.  It wasn’t that big, but it looked deep.  I needed to get it somewhere quick and have it fixed, before it spread.

As the day moved on, I decided it would have to wait until tomorrow.  I didn’t want to sit at the carwash while they tried to sell me on some package.  I wanted to go home, couldn’t be bothered with it just then.  It wouldn’t spread overnight.

In the early hours of the next morning, I got into my car just like I have hundreds, thousands, of times before.  This time there was a crack halfway across my windshield.  It had not reached the driver’s side, but it was on it’s way.

I sat there a moment.  Cursing my poor decision to leave the star until the next day, my mistake.  I allowed myself the pity moan of, “What are the chances in under twenty-four hours…” and then I started my car and went about my day.

Things were different with the crack.  It was a reminder of my bad decision, poor timing.  Suddenly my car seemed dirty, ruined, not as nice as other cars.  I found myself feeling self conscious about the crack, wondering if people were noticing it, judging me and my glass scar.

It was not a good day and I told myself that I needed to get a new windshield right away, immediately, because I was not going to drive around like this.  It was completely unacceptable.

That was about a month ago.  I’m still driving with the creeping crack.  Now there are dead bugs on my windshield too.  I don’t know what has happened, I haven’t even called a glass company yet.  I’m just living with it, accepting it and the fact that a few other things have been more important lately.

Could be that I’ve made peace with this particular crack, accepted that it is where I’m at right now.  I’ll get it fixed eventually.  I’m pretty sure the crack became less of a nuisance once I stopped caring what it “said” about me.  It is not a result of my laziness, it’s no one’s fault.  It’s not bad luck, it just happened.

My windshield is messed up for a bit and that’s all right.  It’s not a commentary on who I am as a person.  It’s a hiccup, a bump, on an otherwise lovely car.

It’s a crack.  Nothing more.

My thoughts from the laundry room.  Eyes Cracked.

 

32 thoughts on “Stain

  1. Having a crack on the windshield is okay as long as you don’t have a hailstorm coming your way… =) when i lived in the south, we had lots of hailstorms so i had to get my cracked windshield fixed asap.

    oh, but my car has suffered badly during a hailstorm too, golf ball sized dents all over the body of my car. unlike a windshield, the entire body can’t be replaced.

    so then if all you have is a cracked windshield, consider yourself blessed! =D

  2. Without the cracks, you see all the shit in the way. …without the glass scars, we are boring…and would never be able to unfold (laundry room…get it?) a story like this. I really enjoy reading whatever you write. 🙂

  3. I love how you turned a crack in your windshield into a philosophical statement! Our car has had one of these cracks for a couple years now, and I’ve (almost) stopped being ashamed of it. In our case, the windshield itself still sports the inspection sticker from the state where my partner and I met, so there’s some sentimental baggage in our reluctance to replace it. Great essay – I really enjoyed it.

    1. A cracked window with love and sentiment tied to it. Wow, that’s a beautiful image. I’d leave it or maybe fix it and take a road trip back for another sticker. Thank you for reading, your very romantic window and your kind comments.

  4. I think the premise for your blog is fascinating (and brilliant). The Laundry room is a place that is teeming with symbols and metaphors. I was/am intrigued by your choice of laundering as a basis for the writing that you do here, so I went back and read some of your other posts. I like how you carry the theme(s) throughout, and how (like in clothing) there are pieces that reveal/hide aspects of the body – or in this case the experience. I crave reading writing that makes me *think*, and I rarely find it. Yours does that for me. Thank you. Karen

    1. Karen –
      I’m thrilled my corner of the house makes you think. Such a lovely thing to say. The laundry room “theme” has been fun to play with and sometimes challenging. As with most things, it started simply enough and over time has grown into it’s own beast. Thank you, Thank you and Thank you again for reading, thinking and your super kind words.

  5. This is so me. Reading this, you made me mentally stack up all my ‘cracks’ and then I guiltily, sheepishly brushed it away and continued reading. I can totally relate. And I love how you wrote about the cracks of your life… nicely done 🙂

  6. We had to replace my windshield last year due to a crack and had to go to a glass doctor for a crack in my husband’s windshield a few months ago. I feel your pain. Now every time we see a dump truck- we yell out, “Truck of trouble!” 🙂

  7. I have been there, unfortunately, the following morning my window was completely shattered. I like how this post is more than that, though. Nicely done.

  8. Aw that sucks. I still remember the exact stretch of road I was on last time my car got a “star,” it was an unhappy souvenir from an otherwise pretty awesome trip. Got it filled, though, so thankfully it never spread… but if it makes you feel any better, they say even if you do get it filled, there’s a chance the filling itself can cause the crack to spread overnight. Hope you can get it fixed soon!

  9. Aha. You’ve given me my metaphorical pep talk for the day. I’m ignoring any and all of my cracks in honor of being good to myself tonight:). Thank you.

  10. Not knowing where you live, I do believe in some (if not most, maybe all) states, riding around with a cracked windshield is illegal. Thereby leaving yourself open to a possible fine. If you’re real “lucky” you’ll get stopped by an “enthusiastic” trooper who’ll have your car impounded as being an “unsafe vehicle”. Not to mention how unsafe it really is. (HINT.. HINT..!!)
    (OK Rivera, enough already) 🙂

      1. I’m glad that Rivera mentioned this because I’d rather focus on saying how I like the way you put this together and the metaphor you developed. Of course, I’m still feeling a little anxious on your behalf. I don’t want you to get a ticket.

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