Sweater Snag

Hormones, we need to talk.

I understand that I needed you growing up.  I appreciate that you helped create the stew that made my children.  I’m glad you’ve kept things female and working all of these years, but lately you’ve changed.

You’re unstable, I can’t rely on you and you make me cry.  I’m done now.

This is no longer a mutually beneficial relationship, as a matter of fact, it’s downright spastic.  One minute things are great, we’re humming along like other people and then . . . Bam!

You either check out for a few days, or smother me. I’m not sure why and quite frankly, I don’t care.  I’m not interested in reading books about you or figuring out why you do what you do.  I’ve tried and I can never get those precious hours back.  I will never understand the intricate workings of you, don’t want to.

Here’s what I need.  If you’re going to stay, great.  We’ve done well all of these years, and I’m happy to have you, so long as you keep your shit together.  If you’re going to leave, then go already.  Get out.  Sure, things will be a little dryer, saggier or wrinklier without you.  So.  I’ll adjust, but this back and forth, push and pull.

One minute we are dancing around to Maroon 5 and the next I’m left in the car crying like an idiot.  What am I crying about?  What’s wrong, you ask?  I have absolutely no idea.  See what you do to me?

Hormones you need to make up your mind.

Stay or leave, your choice, but if this keeps up, I’m changing the locks.

Do you hear me?

My thoughts from the laundry room.  Fan On, Please.

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23 Comments Leave a comment

  1. I love your use of imagery here. The photo you chose really grabbed my attention. It’s hard to put my finger on it, but I can relate in so many ways. I tried changing the locks on my hormones. They hired a locksmith. I’m a wee bit of a basket case from time to time; but aren’t we all?

  2. My mom finally convinced her dr. that a hysterectomy was necessary when she called him a couple weeks before Christmas and said, “look. I am a nice person, but if something is not done, you’ll see a story on the front page of the newspaper about me stabbing my holiday guests with serving utensils.”

    He scheduled her for the first week in January. (And none of us met the business end of any utensils.)

  3. If you figure out what type of lock works, will you let me know? Cause those b*tches are sneaky, and criminal as hell. They just keep coming back and back and back…

  4. The doctor stopped my hormone replacement years ago to my dismay because the medical world is concerned about cancer. Thank God for anti-depressants but nothing, nothing stops the hot flashes. It has been described to me as cooking from the inside out, I agree. However, I will never regret my complete hysterectomy! Freedom from so many things…

  5. Oh my gosh yESssssss! I had a complete hysterectomy in 2012 during to severe endometriosis. I was “only” 35″. The next 2 years what I experienced was described by the doc as “early menopause”. My diagnosis was “slow motion horror featuring my emotions”. This post describes it well!

    I stopped all hormones (I used a cream) this past May – yeaa, it takes longer to rev my engine and other things you mentioned … But I FEEL NORMAL.

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