Given my recent track record, this will be the last post of the year. The final wrap-up and farewell to two-thousand-and-eighteen. What to say? What to say? My first thought. Whatever happened to the Nutter Butter Wafers? Not the cookies shaped like a peanut shell, the square ones with the yummy whipped peanut butter filling.…
If I lived in Paris, I would never close the windows. The traffic noise below my apartment would become the soundtrack of my early mornings, my lazy afternoons, and my midnight snacks. My apartment would be old with generations of white paint, brass knobs, and creaky floors. During winter or rain, I’d make tea in…
If my boobs were small and I was skinny, I would eat cake every day for breakfast and lunch. Sometimes frosting, sometimes not, but always cake. At night, I would choose between lasagna and pizza. Real lasagna with real cheese or pizza with the perfect amount of crust and a sauce that wasn’t too sweet.…
I once tried a vegan chocolate chip cookie. I’m sorry no matter how you pretty up the packaging—no. Cookies are a very specific kind of happiness that can not, should not, be changed up. Butter is important. I’m not exactly sure how I stumbled upon PETA’s website. I think it was something on Twitter,…
I might be addicted to Wintergreen Life Savers. I wasn’t aware a person could become addicted to Life Savers, save the rainbow candy ones. I thought wintergreen was safe, but I now have mint burn on my tongue because I’ve been eating handfuls of these suckers every day. I’m trying to escape the “just one more”…
I’m going to miss summer fruit. I live in the desert, so I never miss summer. I don’t look forward to her arrival and when summer leaves it takes all my lady-like manners not to flip her the bird. But her fruit, I love her fruit. Peaches, all the different kinds of plums, nectaries, blackberries and watermelon.…
Women should be more like heirloom tomatoes. I suppose men should too, but they have more flexibility, so I’m not discussing them right now. We have this beautiful heirloom tomato sitting on our counter. It’s bright orange and red swirly. It’s a little misshapen, kind of funky in the front, but really cool to look at.…
I like food. I’ve tried a lot of it. I’m really good at eating and I rarely discriminate. Sushi, falafel, matzo ball soup, chicken and waffles, just waffles. There’s nothing better than a great calzone, or a slice of good pizza, the kind you can fold up and eat properly. Eggplant parmesan…”Yes, can I get…
Sugar and I are breaking up. Our relationship has gotten to the point that it’s toxic, and quite frankly, a one way street. I indulge, often over indulge, in him and he gives me nothing in return. Sure there’s a high the first time we meet after I’ve stayed away for a while, but it’s…