Sugar and I are breaking up.
Our relationship has gotten to the point that it’s toxic, and quite frankly, a one way street. I indulge, often over indulge, in him and he gives me nothing in return. Sure there’s a high the first time we meet after I’ve stayed away for a while, but it’s a cycle.
Once he has charmed his way back, he’s all we talk about. How I can get more of him, spend more time with him? Then once I’m flying high, irritable and moody, he leaves.
The bag is empty, the cup is dry, and I plummet to the ground.
It’s not good. I know it’s wrong and it has to stop. I’ve tried seeing Sugar on and off, in small increments. Just as friends, snack size, but it doesn’t last long. He has this way of luring me to stay longer and before I know it I’m in the middle of a king size commitment.
Sure he’s there for me when I’m sad. He knows how to worm his way back when I’m feeling weak and vulnerable. Classic disfunction. Sometimes he even makes my teeth hurt. Love is not supposed to feel this way.
He goes to great lengths to show me that he’s really not that bad for me. Even brings me grapes and cherries every time we argue and I try to pull away.
Lately, he’s working this very organic, rough around the edges, raw, look. He wears brown and is trying to convince me when we go for tea that I can have as much of him as I want because he’s natural after all. It’s not working, I’m on to him. Because once I’ve been with him for two, three, packets, my head starts to get fuzzy and I just know I’m heading for a fall.
No more. The best way to deal with Sugar, his completely narcissistic ways, is to end it. Cut all ties. It will be hard. By tonight, I’m sure I will miss him so much my head will hurt, but it’s over. He brings nothing to my life and it’s time I stood on my own, knew my own mind.
I have been seeing a bit more of my old friend, Water, so we’ll see how that goes.
My thoughts from the laundry room. Shhh!