Revealing Dress

I am so awkward.

Honestly, sometimes things seem perfectly normal at the time and then I just don’t know what I was thinking.  This post is cringeworthy, so be forewarned.  If you are uncomfortable with boobs, stop right now and go enjoy your weekend.

I have an author page on Facebook.  I hate Facebook, but it’s out there and it reaches people and I have to use it, so I do.

I’m supposed to interact, comment, connect.

I love that readers can comment, readers are fun.  They are sort of like my small group of sticker trading pals.  I write it, they like it, it works.

But I’m also supposed to do my least favorite word in the English language, well maybe not my least because “whatever” really holds that honor, but definitely in my top ten of least favorite words is . . . networking.

It’s like nails on a chalkboard, shoes that are too tight.  I hear that word and I want to get back under the covers.  I look at networking as a high school cafeteria.  I have my pizza slice, my tray, and I have to find a place to sit.  Depending on where I am in the social hierarchy, there are certain tables I can sit at and others, not so much.  It’s different from one day to the next.  It makes no sense.

My new thing is I have been trying to go to other author FB pages and see what they’re doing, observe.  I am only supposed to observe.  Author pages are for readers, not other authors.  I think I remember reading that somewhere, but sometimes I forget I’m a writer.  I’m a reader too, so that can happen.

This one particular author.  I like her books, I read her books.  They are different than mine, her readers are different.  I should have known, but sadly that’s not what happened.

She posts a question to her readers.  “In the interest of boosting self-esteem, name something you like about yourself. It can be anything, your smile, etc.  Don’t be shy!”  Now keep in mind that she had just posted something about her bad experience with some trainer guy who was an asshole, so her whole vibe was body image and self acceptance.

I was in a groove.  Maybe feeling funny and light, ready to mingle.  I decided I was going to comment.  I know this isn’t a big deal for normal people, but for me to interact, it’s a little huge.

Unfortunately I have no filter.  I assume everyone is like me, wants honesty, wants to hear what is on my mind.  She said, “Don’t be shy!”  Remember?

I post, “Boobs.  I’m kind of a fan of my boobs.  They are my original factory parts and I like them.  I’m also really good at cleaning the refrigerator, but I’m going with the boobs.”

I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in.

I posted that on a very well known romance writer’s FB page in response to her question about something readers liked about themselves.  I typed it and hit enter.

That was me being genuine and engaging.  What the hell is wrong with me?

After my comment, why “after” I will never know, but after my comment, I decided to read some of the other responses.

“I’m a great mom.”  “I’m a great nana.”  “I have patience with my teenagers.” “I like my eyes.”  “I make people laugh.”  “I have great legs.”

Into that pool of warm saccharine responses, I threw boobs.  There’s no explanation for this.  I looked like a complete weirdo.  That strange girl in English class that bends to get her pencil and farts.  That’s me at this point.  My very appropriate mother is shaking her head.  My grandmother is hiding behind a cloud somewhere in heaven.

I honestly don’t know why I do these things.  I’m just being myself with a total disregard for my audience.  I’m sure some of those other women like their boobs, or their ass, or other parts of their bodies.  Maybe not, but this is a public forum, so they chose something appropriate.  Appropriate often eludes me.

As I tripped with my tray, the entire cafeteria grew quiet.  Cricket quiet.  I deleted my comment, threw my lunch away, and ran to the library.

I should not be allowed out.

My thoughts from the laundry room.  I’m Staying in Bed.

acceptance crazy life expression Facebook humor stupidity technology

197 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Hi Tracy. An awesome read! I liked your post on the boobs. So honest and amazing! Funny thing is, I totally understand what you mean and feel. For me, Everyday feels like I’m going to the canteen and finding a group to sit with and it is ever changing! And somehow or rather, you’ll just do something stupid like pour coffee all over your front and everyone laughs. It’s so hard sometimes but for me, I’m just coping by plonking clumsily at a seat and keeping quiet until I can contribute on a topic that I know of. Haha so awkward right?

  2. That was freaking hilariouso my friend. I think it’s awesome that you lack filter. I think more people should be like that and then we wouldn’t take love so seriously. Forget about the rest of them, be proud of yourself and how your brain works. It’s a gift even if you or the world can’t see that.

  3. Love this post! Love, love, love the cafeteria analogy…. van completely relate! Didn’t like it then, still not a fan as I reach a half-century. There’s much to be said for ‘inappropriate’ ….. Really! 😉

  4. Hahahah this is me. Unforgivingly and always inappropriate. I am also about to embark on this networking bizzo. I hate self promotion, now damn it I’ll have to actually do it.

  5. It could be that her other readers are less accepting of their bodies. That you answer is the bravest most honest answer. Or it could be that the readers are so less superficial than you are!!! Bodies are beautiful, we forget to marvel at their beauty and their function. Why should we love them any less than other parts of ourselves? Repost your answer! Be the voice of the whispered!

  6. Comments like yours are necessary. Like you said- others probably like their boobs or ass. You were the only brave one to be that honest, and maybe that honesty can begin a domino effect and everyone else will know they can be honest like that. And once everyone feels they can say those things, it wont be weird to.

  7. it’s that English class fart , the fridge-cleaning skills, that allow me to reprimand: they are your breasts, delivering the liebfraumilch laden with nutrition, and now featured in a VS push up, to stop traffic in a little black dress, good work!

  8. My dearest Tracy, I read your post yesterday’s afternoon, and some part of me wanted to comment so bad the next lines. “Being weird isn’t as bad as we think, sometimes we believe we are weird when others don’t even notice us.” Anyway, that’s not my point anymore, the thing is I came back to write this, although I never post comments, mainly because I think they get lost in a black hole such as the Internet.
    Your boobs’ story totally rocks girl, and I certainly believe that your comment was the best, so just embrace it. You’re not weird, your cool. Although being weird is complete cool, right?

  9. Hilarious! Your post took the edge off the etiquette of what I saw as blogging. This is my first time experiencing how blogging works and you helped heighten the excitement of blogging! Lol, I am so glad I read your post! :-))))

  10. I can resonate with this. I’m a writer, dreamer, all around weirdo who has never fit into the box. I have gone through a huge transition this year and have never been more certain of how much I like who I am and who I’m becoming. Good for you in responding in what felt right in the moment! As someone who has woefully small boobs I can appreciate a woman who likes hers 🙂

  11. This post made me feel so much better about my anxiety for social networking!! Not necessarily lessen it but certainly makes me feel better that I’m not the only one! you would think hiding behind a computer would make things better but it really doesn’t!!

  12. Appropriate is totally overrated. Having said that, I should’t be let out, either, and that is why I really did my best to ignore the world and stay in bed today, but it’s tricky with three kids.
    No matter! I’ll just try again tomorrow!
    And I’m sure your boobs are just lovely.

  13. I never did like sticker trading. I never liked stickers, either. Words are much better. :p
    That’s the best part about blogging. It’s like someone comes over, hears what you have to say, gives you some of their words, likes what you did there, and then you get to do the same, too. We’re not a bunch of cliques. It’s way more fun now. 🙂
    And I like boobs too. Boobs are powerful. Yay for boobs! :p

  14. Very accurate description of the feeling one gets at such moments… Hey! You have nice posts! And for my part, I find it helpful to spell it “wetnerking”, and dismiss it altogether.

  15. If people don’t want honest answers, they may want to refraine from asking certain questions. I would have laughed enjoyingly at your answer. I too have an extremely hard time expressing myself in a way others can understand and it gives me that horrible feeling every time. Cotton on teeth is, for me, like the chalkboard. ~shivers just thinking about it~ Feel free to stop by my blog and speak whatever is on your mind. Weird just means unusual to most, but unusual is not the same as bad.

  16. Crickets like boobs, but they expect it to be quiet like a library so they can sing about it. The crickets have written books but they know enough not to have a FB page. Crickets don’t have boobs so they have to sing a lot to make up for it. And they don’t do laundry or windows. Crickets like their legs — it’s the strings of their violin. Crickets are glad that they don’t have frog legs.

    • I’m pretty sure I like this more than the original post. You win favorite comment, but now I’m thinking about what crickets would look like if they did had boobs.

      Egh, that’s going to take a minute to get over.

      Thank you for reading and your poem. You’re kind of a big deal. 🙂

  17. actually, case in point yesterday: ‘you have nice teeth’ i say to my friend on email ‘thanks’ she says, but ‘i think they are kind of big’ me: ‘that would be so much more amusing if you were talking about your chest’

  18. at least you try network! i love writing (one day my big book will emerge) but in the meanwhile I’m happy with maybe two readers because I can’t be bothered to trawl and network AND come up with stupid comments when i do as well (and then the responses to my comments upset me!)

  19. This made me chuckle. Your piece is pretty funny. I’d just say you better not hesitate to show how greatful you are for having something that you think somebody would hate you because of that. Cheers to boobs!

  20. I think its great too. But it is about as socially acceptable as if I had gone in and said ‘i like my cock’ . Although they are more visible. The one who said she likes her legs should be held to the same standard. Shit that’s practically fatshaming , amiwrong? …… I am aware this sentiment may be unpopular, but in the sphere of wordpress, if only there, I do not give the slightest shit

  21. I wouldve liked your comment on fb. You ended up comparing your answer with everyone elses n it made you conscious. Its good you like your boobs, some women dont like their own thing. 🙂 being different from the rest (from self observation & comparing) isnt bad at all, its a fresh break n relief from the usual mundane n sheeples. 🙂 <3

  22. I’m here to say that I, too, thought the boobs response was very good. I think you’d be surprised by how many of the “appropriate” commenters thought it was amusing, if you could act them. But I feel you. I’ve got a new blog that I’m trying to “network” for, and I feel a bit like a chimpanzee in a dress trying to talk at a board meeting.

  23. Nice one, I mean really- I liked it. Not only that you posted boobs, which I find pretty funny- but all the parts about the lunch room dynamics and hating networking- I do as well… But you should go back and post it again… Boobs- for all of us who don’t know where to sit with our lunch trays 🙂

  24. I also am awkward and would have went with boobs, I’m pretty proud of mine too. Who wants to be “normal”? Awkward is a way more entertaining way to go through life!

  25. You made me giggle for a moment, as I was totally picturing myself in a similar situation – not a FB post but maybe in a café, in front of some guys my friends are interested in. The awkward, that in the end is always “the funny friend”, that is me and, sadly happily, apparently also you. It is normal to rethink our actions – how many times I got back home after a long day and only then I started to elaborate the conversations I had not been able to held properly! But I guess it’s ok. You are a bit awkward, but at least you have boobs you are proud of.

  26. Ha! I love that you used the boobs, lots of people can be great moms and great grans, but your puppies are unique. Revel in the fact that the bending, pencil and farting scenario puts you in a whole class of your own! Be proud, you rock 🙂

  27. Well, reading this just made me laugh, lol, if it were a competition I would say you emerged a winner. Don’t be shy implies we be open right, so other commenters were just on the shallow, but you went Deep. Bravo! I can relate to that.

  28. An interesting read. I felt there was nothing wrong with your answer. Its something you love. I love my legs, and to you it’s your boobs. Be proud of them, as only you can truly love em. Society mocks their laid out values and customs with Hypocrisy. Be free, you go girl!

  29. Don’t understand what is the big deal… The comment was not only funny but honest… Boobs are part of our body and I know many women who are very proud of their twins. I do not like networking my self much and I understand where you’re coming from with that one, but sometimes networking is fun because you might find people with the same interests, humor, etc.

    I also like your writing style it is funny in a different type of way.

    Next time don’t delete your comment and see what happens. I read way worse comments on facebook every day and still see people liking them…

  30. The best part of one’s life is about being themselves… Unfortunately we have lost that somewhere in the mayhem of today’s lustrous world… I love the way you express yourself… Great piece of writing indeed.. Loved it!

  31. Appropriate comment in my opinion. It’s a romance writer’s page, they all abreast of body parts. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. I too like my boobs however it seems to be mismatch with my other parts still i love it. That’s your genuine comment no need to be feel ashamed or embarrassed.

  32. Boobies, I prefer ;). They would be my pick too. Only cause I’m freaked out about how they can make so much milk for my children and still have the energy to muster up boob sweat 🙂

  33. Seriously — networking is horrible. The cafeteria metaphor was so spot on; I just started a blog, and haven’t really “categorized” myself (Lord help me if someone calls me a “mommy blogger”), so I can’t figure out who I even want to sit with, much less if there’s room at the table.

    Go with boobs. Those of us whose boobs look like worn out tube socks are seriously jealous.

  34. I would have done exactly the same. I imagine there were a few faces behind a few screens smiling to themselves thinking, I wish I had written that! Welcome to the tumbleweed crew. My brother receives the most of these from me, I have learned to reign it in moreso with people who don’t know me as well as sometimes what I say comes across as combative. Well done for your first networking foray… and many more awkward social media moments for you!

  35. What a brilliant post! I know the feeling of saying what immediately comes to mind, then experiencing the ‘tumble weed’ moment, but I too can’t help myself. For me, it’s “them” who have the problem not me (or you). So here’s to free speech, spontaneity and of course, your boobs!

  36. Your awesome!! we are very similar. I honestly sometimes sit and think about past conversations I’ve had with people and wish I could have said something differently. Sometimes it haunts me luckily you could just delete it. However I think boobs spice it up 🙂

  37. Did you get flack from the other people commenting? You don’t need to feel weird after reading what you found more “acceptable” in comparison. You’re second guessing yourself, unless you were specifically attacked and called out as the weirdo…

    And even then, embrace your weirdo and never second guess her in public again. Don’t be embarrassed on behalf of your “weirdo”because that’s not important. Your honest self is best. Everyone farts.

    Apologies for my preachy pep talk. But boobs are beautiful. So what?

  38. Oh the joys of networking and social media. I am not a huge fan of Facebook either. Last month I made what I thought was a perfectly normal comment. It turned into a over blown, shit hitting the fan kind of saga thanks to a lady who loves the “actor dramatics” as my Mum used to call it and the drama that goes with it. Thankfully it has seemed to blown over. We all make a boob of our selves at times 😀

  39. Well, of course, it is the word ‘networking’ and the high status accorded to it that is really most inappropriate. Comment… connect… sometimes it all feels insincere, doing it for the sake of it.
    Stay too much online and you get sucked in the muck of other’s definition of right and wrong.
    P.S. the above comment was spontaneous and I hope ‘digestible’. 🙂

  40. Girl, you are way too harsh on yourself. What you did is hardly wrong and I fail to see the inappropiateness of it. The whole point of the question was to boost self-esteem right?

  41. Hilarious! Thank you for your candour and a good laugh. I often internally censor my writing as well… not sure why. Your post has made me think about that. But then there are moment where I bare all… I would have said “my left boob” as I think it is a bit nicer than the righty.

  42. I loved this so much. Networking IS the worst. Hate it. Next time I have to do it, I’m pulling out my boobs. Thanks for the inspiration.

  43. I rarely comment on anything in a forum where I don’t know the people there already. I tend to be somewhat more focused on social implications than a big part of my network, so I just don’t comment on political statements. I have been dissed more than once by friends of friends and it has always left me a little upset. I am really happy for you and your boobs (see? We all make imbaressing comments ). I wish that more women would love themselves – boobs, mind, ect. and proudly brag about achievements in careers, relationships, cooking, marathon running or whatever ignites our fires! Oh, and I am adding you to my reading list!

  44. Boobs are the best, I’m sad you felt you should delete your comment just because nobody else was embracing what Mother Nature gave them! Be boobalicious and proud next time ! x P.S LOVE the school cafeteria extended metaphor…genius

  45. I would have “liked” your comment! But then again, I’m of the no-filter camp, so we should be friends (although it probably isn’t likely since we’re both awkward and find networking and making new friends challenging-likely we’ll both be in the lunchroom of the internet, sitting at different tables reading the same book). Entertaining post, thanks for sharing. Looking forward to reading more of your writing.

  46. I am glad you love your boobs. Like one person commented I used to love my boobs…until I got pregnant and went through breast feeding and claw like stretch marks. I long for the small perky ones I used to have. Sigh.

    • absolutely. I used to have a neighbor who had a skewed idea of what “feminine” meant, and was forever putting down my 34Bs in favor of her 38D set. I finally got weary of it and said,”and when you are fifty your maraccas will be resting on your KNEES, lady, and my little 34Bs will be still flying high”–end of discussion.

  47. I just love the brutal brilliant honesty of this post. Beautifully told.

    I know this kind of awkward. Speaking pointedly honest in a forum that demands a certain kind of filtration system for the collective. In its own way it can be refreshing to hear (read) the things the awkward kid blurts out from the back of the class.

    Be you. Embrace you. No need to hide. Next time leave the “boobs” for the world to see.

  48. I can also relate to being a shy person, reluctant to say things to strangers or crowds or, well, people. You finally decide to break the silence and before you know it, you feel like you’ve said something weird and think “This is why I don’t say things.”

    I say “you feel like” deliberately because rationally speaking, I know that there’s no such thing as normal and we should say what we feel and what not…but still, in the moment, in my mind, it feels like I made a mistake. So I totally get the feeling.

    On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with being a fan of your own boobs, or saying so when you were asked the question. I may be making an assumption that nobody else had an issue with your comment, and assuming that’s true, that’s all the proof you need that you didn’t have to scream and run away. Nobody cares that you’re a boob-loving weirdo 🙂

  49. Yes, but critically, *fuck* what those other people said. You love something about yourself and you were courageous enough to share it. Face it, those others that mentioned–as you aptly said–sacchrine and quotidian things wished they could be brave enough to be so bold as to bare their real self-loves.

  50. You did it because you are a writer and cannot bear the mundane. Your answer was funny and well put. I hope someone had the intelligence and spit to write and tell you so. If the writer whose page it was didn’t, shame on her. Judy

  51. I too am a very awkward person who, a lot of the time, says very inappropriate things to the wrong crowd of people. But hey, we are all human and some of humans are more straight forward than others. It’s ok to be that way. No one says you cant and in the scheme of things, we usually come out on top. PLUS, its fun to read. I, personally, am a huge fan of my butt.

  52. Haha, nothing wrong with that comment. The people that wouldn’t find that funny lack a sense humor. Only bitter, uptight people would frown upon that comment.

  53. As I was reading what you posted, I was thinking, “Heck yes. I would have gone with boobs, too.” I have to admit, mine are pretty nice. I used to hate them, but over the years they’ve really grown on me. HEY! *smirk*

  54. I honestly think your answer was great. I would have done something similar. I tend to comment before reading other comments too. If I read them first I usually won’t write anything, because an response that is similar to what I would put is already there at least once, sometimes more. I would put money on the fact that you weren’t the only one who deleted their comment for similar reasons. I wish I liked my boobs as much as you liked yours…sadly after 3 kids mine aren’t as great as they once were. One day maybe I’ll be able to afford some new ones.

  55. As an overly sensitive censor of my own humor, I loved the humble well-rounded telling of your internal dialogue. If this were lunch, I would choose your table.

  56. I totally loved and appreciated your answer. I’m sorry you felt you had to delete it! Screw them if they don’t appreciate your quirks, or your boobs. I’d go bra shopping with you any day, and sit next to you at the lunch table. I’m a “say what you mean, mean what you say” person as well. As a matter of fact (I’m not making this up), it just so happens that I will be a guest speaker this Saturday at an event called “The Big Latch On” promoting the normal ness of boobs and breast feeding… there you go!

  57. Lifes too short to try n conform to other peoples untrue or rather true comments…be proud of the boobs,you might have been the only one completely honest of them all…take heart and repost the real you.

  58. Hey, those twins were what kept your children alive for the first year of their lives! They are meant to be celebrated by women and worshipped by men, so I see nothing wrong with being honest. Cheers to your audacity 😉
    P.S. I’m a straight girl >.<

  59. The genuine, don’t stop and think answer is better than anything else you could have written. It also made for a great story! Thank you for sharing.

  60. I’m also eluded by appropriate. I’m open minded and random, I would have probably posted something as spontaneous as that. Being a weirdo defines a writer. Because a writer has no bounds of expression. So your comment was “appropriate” for who you are!!!!! Never change 🙂

  61. Love this because I am also a person who quickly utters (or types) a response and then realizes I threw in the curveball. Reminds me of a scene in Train Wreck the movie. She had a similar experience at a baby shower.

  62. That is hilarious and sounds exactly like something I would do. I would have let the comment stand though. Goodness knows someone would get a laugh out of it! There was no reason to delete it in my mind. It was a legitimate answer and one to be proud of. It was a romance author’s page after all, it’s not like her readers are unfamiliar with body parts. 😉 I love some romance authors, too and would bet they’d laugh uproariously at that answer and love it!

  63. Hey Tracy–I liked your answer. Heck with being conventional as that’s too boring. Let’s set up our own table and sit together with all your other Commenters. We sound like a real fun bunch! 😉

  64. I laughed
    Because it’s a funny story, & told well to boot.
    I laughed because i too am right there with you (regarding farts, & feet in mouth, & disliking the word “whatever”)
    Why not boobs?
    Bravo to you for liking your boobs.
    So many people dislike their personal shape & parts.
    Why not celebrate some of it.
    Maybe it will cause someone else to look at theirs in a kinder light .
    Deep bow to you.
    I’d sit next to you at lunch any day.

  65. Oh, Tracy. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I laughed so hard…not AT you, just because you write funny. I loved your answer, and if you think about it, its a perfectly acceptable answer. When I was younger I loved mine, too–they suited me, they kept me company, they weren’t all big and mooshy, and I could wear what I wanted to wear without having to move buttons. Celebrate Tracy, and if they don’t like it, to hell with ’em.
    And you know what? Appropriate is another word for “what will Other People Think…”
    (and you don’t HAVE to use FB. Ive been online for 17 years and never went there. I dont miss it.)

    • No, as a fellow boob lover, feel free to laugh. We have to stick together. I love that definition of “appropriate,” I’ll remember that one. I honestly have a love/hate with FB. We break up all the time. Thanks for your comment, Judy!

  66. Hey, I loved your answer ,Tracy. Barbara and dirtyrottenparent are right…celebrate those boobs! Of course, I chomp on my feet all the time, and I rarely did I sit at the popular table. I was the one that would say the most inappropriate things, and unfortunately, I still do! 😉 ~nan

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